I feel as though I'm a living music video these days. The song is Born Again Idiot by Anthrax.
Why do I explain myself when everyone's an idiot but me?
Every day I'm surrounded by those that don't listen. I try to point out the obvious and they opt to not listen to me. When the floor of your living room i sagging significantly, is that not a sign that you should have that looked at soon? If you're having swelling as a result of a drastic medication change that your doctor prescribed AND you don't feel you can talk to the doctor in the first place, is this not the time to switch doctors? If everyone around you tells you that you're making a bad decision, is that not a sign that you should at least reevaluate your decision? If you take your car to a mechanic and he says he's fixed the reason why it shuts off after 10 minutes, do you turn around and ask him if he had the car running for 10 minutes to ensure it doesn't still happen?
Kicking and screaming and dragged back into a life
Kicking and screaming and dragged back into a life
Like ten pounds in a nine pound bag
Still I come back to give you something that you never had
It's not that I'm professing to be perfect. I have a nasty habit of being right a lot of times specifically because i constantly analyze situations and look for warning signs. It's not up to me as to how people live their lives. All i try to do is give my input and it seems that more often than not people ignore what is blindingly obvious.
Idiot rules, I never fight I only win
Idiot rules, and I didn't make them
What's the point anymore? Seriously. I can't possibly know what I'm talking about. Since i don't have a "real" job, i apparently don't know what I'm talking about. Because i have a grunt BS job, i get looked down at by older full time employees because "clearly if you knew what you were doing you wouldn't be here". Because I'm perma-single i can't possibly know anything about relationships. It's futile to try to educate those that refuse to listen. I'm tired of my words falling on deaf ears.
Finish my smoke, down my drink, wipe my mouth and I just walk away
I love this line. If my life were this music video, right here is where i would get up from the bar stool and walk away with my hands up in the air while mouthing the words "F**k it". Surrendering to the idiots that surround me and letting them exist in their empty lives with blinders on.
What's the chance of finding something real and make it last
For that I'd carry all my bags and leave them in the past
Because I spend my life fixing mistakes that left me scarred
And when I stand and meet my maker, I'll be born again hard
Well put. What i wouldn't give for someone to actually listen once in a while so i know that i'm not wasting my breath. My motives are pure. My delivery is a little harsh but that's the only way that anyone listens it seems. No matter how straightforward you are, most people just don't get it.
Why do I explain myself when everyone's an idiot but me?
Idiot rules, I never fight I only win
Idiot rules, idiot rules
Idiot rules, and I didn't make them
Idiot rules, idiot rules
Idiot rules, I never fight I only win
Idiot rules, idiot rules
Idiot rules, don't judge me by my sins
Idiot rules, I never bend, I only break them
Yeah some of the lyrics were edited out. So what. Isn't that how it always is? We latch onto segments songs/poems/speeches and rarely keep it in context. It's a human element. We latch onto those elements which we believe to be the closest to our hearts and embrace the words as though they were our own. No song can truly explain what i'm going through. It's this very reason why writers continue to write every day to best describe what is in their head.
My point was that i'm tired. Tired of wasting my effort on people who won't consider my words. Tired of wasting time trying to help those that don't want to help themselves. Tired of trying to show others an outside and unbiased perspective. Seclusion draws me in more and more day by day. Tired of putting up the good fight to keep my head above water in a turbulent sea.
In a round about way, this is something that goes through my head when interviewing. I'm tired of trying to explain to people who are blinded by their ideas of interview etiquette that there is more to me than what they see on a piece of paper. How do you explain to someone that irregardless of your documented history, you're much better than a piece of paper with past accomplishments? More often than not, i walk out of interviews believing that i just wasted my time on people who are both blind and deaf. The irony is that they may be blind and deaf to me but they're still the ones with the money while i'm not. :(
Time to get ready for another night of mind numbing work for minimal money....
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
I can't help but laugh
The other week, i was on the way out the door when the phone rang. By some miracle, it was a company that had seen my resume online. This is where i'm supposed to get excited. A year ago, i would have been excited. Today i'm far too jaded to get excited over a phone call.
I talked to the HR lady for about 15-20 minutes explaining my made-up work situation (freelance work as opposed to being just professionally unemployed). Conversation went really well. At the end, the lady told me that i should go to their website and apply for one of the positions that are currently open. Huh? What do you mean? I already applied there a month ago! You did? Yes. That's why i thought you were calling me. Well, no... you're not in our database and I found your resume online. Really? Well i have the confirmation email from you guys from last month saying that someone would contact me shortly. Well, i'll make sure that your resume gets passed along!
Hahahahaha!!!
I had applied with this company back in March. I had also applied with them last year. Once you apply for a job, their online application won't let you apply for the same position again until the end of the calender year. That means that since i applied in March this year, it won't let me apply for the same position again in October. More often than not i see the same position posted online which implies there's a nasty turnover rate or they're just that incompetent. After this phone call, i'm beginning to lean towards the latter.
So here i sit with a big grin on my face. I know they won't call me back. I know i can't apply again for the rest of the year with them. I was my usual pleasant and courteous self on the phone with the HR lady on the outside chance that they actually do contact me again. On the plus side, at least they bothered to call me unlike most companies that i submit my resume to. Then again, they didn't call me for the right reason but then what else can i expect these days?
At least i'm finally getting over my latest plague so i can get back to blogging and reality....
I talked to the HR lady for about 15-20 minutes explaining my made-up work situation (freelance work as opposed to being just professionally unemployed). Conversation went really well. At the end, the lady told me that i should go to their website and apply for one of the positions that are currently open. Huh? What do you mean? I already applied there a month ago! You did? Yes. That's why i thought you were calling me. Well, no... you're not in our database and I found your resume online. Really? Well i have the confirmation email from you guys from last month saying that someone would contact me shortly. Well, i'll make sure that your resume gets passed along!
Hahahahaha!!!
I had applied with this company back in March. I had also applied with them last year. Once you apply for a job, their online application won't let you apply for the same position again until the end of the calender year. That means that since i applied in March this year, it won't let me apply for the same position again in October. More often than not i see the same position posted online which implies there's a nasty turnover rate or they're just that incompetent. After this phone call, i'm beginning to lean towards the latter.
So here i sit with a big grin on my face. I know they won't call me back. I know i can't apply again for the rest of the year with them. I was my usual pleasant and courteous self on the phone with the HR lady on the outside chance that they actually do contact me again. On the plus side, at least they bothered to call me unlike most companies that i submit my resume to. Then again, they didn't call me for the right reason but then what else can i expect these days?
At least i'm finally getting over my latest plague so i can get back to blogging and reality....
Sunday, April 6, 2008
FTP server on a winXP box (II)
After a brief hiatus (3 months) , I'm finally back to working on this project. The results have been mixed and the growing pains have been... well... painful!
The current candidate that I'm experimenting with is Cerberus. After fighting with this off and on today, i believe i finally have it semi-successfully configured. The hardest part about this ordeal is not having access to a machine that is outside of my network. There's been a lot of configuring/tweaking followed by waiting around for someone to be online to test this out. Hurry up and wait. The story of my life it seems. :)
Initial install was a snap. Click next a bunch of times and nothing major to worry about configuring really. Creating a user account and granting them permissions was pretty intuitive.
The problems began to arise when i had my guinea pig... er test subject attempt to connect. No luck. According to log files, he could connect to my machine and authenticate but then after about 30 seconds would get booted.
(log file excerpt)
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 Incoming connection request on interface 192.168.1.101
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 Connection request accepted from 76.229.xxx.xx
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 USER wwwww
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 331 User wwwww, password please
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 PASS ***********
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 230 Password Ok, User logged in
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 FEAT
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 211- Additional features supported include: MDTM SIZE REST STREAM AUTH TLS AUTH SSL PBSZ PROT LANG EN* SITE CHMOD SITE PSWD 211 End
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 SYST
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 215 UNIX Type: L8
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 PWD
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 257 "/" is the current directory
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 TYPE A
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 200 Type ASCII
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 PASV
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 227 Entering Passive Mode (24,160,xxx,xx,xx)
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 Error closing connection: An existing connection was forcibly closed by the remote host.
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 Connection terminated.
What's going on here? What did i miss? Why does he keep getting disconnected? Port forwarding has been set and is active in the router so all port 21 traffic is going to my machine. I created firewall exceptions in the Windows firewall just to be sure it works. Target directory is set to share with all users now. He kept getting booted after 30 seconds and was unable to transfer any data either way. I've seen this work no problem at a friends house so what is wrong on my end?
The fact that he could authenticate and access my box was a huge step but something was bothering me about him getting booted whenever it went to PASV mode. Documentation pointed to making sure that was configured properly. A-hah! When behind a router, make sure that you specify the ip address for PASV (typically the ip of the router). Still no luck.
After some consultation with a friend, i got a crash course that most documentation doesn't spell out for you. Yes, i had port 21 open which is correct. The problem is that when in PASV mode you need other ports open/forwarded. The default ports are 1025-3500. That means i had to forward all of these (excluding 3389 which is RDP for my roommate) to my box also. NOW things were making more sense....
After finally getting these extra ports forwarded, a friend was able to successfully connect and transfer data. Success! Essentially everything i'd tried to do earlier had no real effect on the situation because i missed something very simple early on. I made the mistake of assuming that i just needed 21 routed and that wound up costing me a lot of time. In hindsight this appears to be the same issue that i ran into with FileZilla Server a couple months ago. Lesson learned.
Now that everything is up and running I'm content. I can always open the ports if/when i plan to use this server app but for the time being they'll remain closed. What can i say? Why leave your doors unlocked when you're not home? Mission accomplished. I can share files if need be with people and they can download at their leisure.
Grumbles:
-No SFTP capability
-No means by which to limit bandwidth usage.
-Server Manager menu is clumsy (IMHO).
Pros:
-Logging is very straight forward.
-I like the small pop up notification for when someone is attempting to connect.
-IP manager seems very straightforward.
-User management is easy.
-Help documentation was.... HELPFUL!
Still looking for an app that will enable me to do SFTP and limit bandwidth. Suggestions are welcome. Eventually I'll be doing this on a Linux box but not having a functional Linux box (thanks to yPerr) kind of kills that idea. Stay tuned....
The current candidate that I'm experimenting with is Cerberus. After fighting with this off and on today, i believe i finally have it semi-successfully configured. The hardest part about this ordeal is not having access to a machine that is outside of my network. There's been a lot of configuring/tweaking followed by waiting around for someone to be online to test this out. Hurry up and wait. The story of my life it seems. :)
Initial install was a snap. Click next a bunch of times and nothing major to worry about configuring really. Creating a user account and granting them permissions was pretty intuitive.
The problems began to arise when i had my guinea pig... er test subject attempt to connect. No luck. According to log files, he could connect to my machine and authenticate but then after about 30 seconds would get booted.
(log file excerpt)
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 Incoming connection request on interface 192.168.1.101
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 Connection request accepted from 76.229.xxx.xx
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 USER wwwww
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 331 User wwwww, password please
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 PASS ***********
Apr 06 17:06:31 16 230 Password Ok, User logged in
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 FEAT
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 211- Additional features supported include: MDTM SIZE REST STREAM AUTH TLS AUTH SSL PBSZ PROT LANG EN* SITE CHMOD SITE PSWD 211 End
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 SYST
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 215 UNIX Type: L8
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 PWD
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 257 "/" is the current directory
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 TYPE A
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 200 Type ASCII
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 PASV
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 227 Entering Passive Mode (24,160,xxx,xx,xx)
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 Error closing connection: An existing connection was forcibly closed by the remote host.
Apr 06 17:06:32 16 Connection terminated.
What's going on here? What did i miss? Why does he keep getting disconnected? Port forwarding has been set and is active in the router so all port 21 traffic is going to my machine. I created firewall exceptions in the Windows firewall just to be sure it works. Target directory is set to share with all users now. He kept getting booted after 30 seconds and was unable to transfer any data either way. I've seen this work no problem at a friends house so what is wrong on my end?
The fact that he could authenticate and access my box was a huge step but something was bothering me about him getting booted whenever it went to PASV mode. Documentation pointed to making sure that was configured properly. A-hah! When behind a router, make sure that you specify the ip address for PASV (typically the ip of the router). Still no luck.
After some consultation with a friend, i got a crash course that most documentation doesn't spell out for you. Yes, i had port 21 open which is correct. The problem is that when in PASV mode you need other ports open/forwarded. The default ports are 1025-3500. That means i had to forward all of these (excluding 3389 which is RDP for my roommate) to my box also. NOW things were making more sense....
After finally getting these extra ports forwarded, a friend was able to successfully connect and transfer data. Success! Essentially everything i'd tried to do earlier had no real effect on the situation because i missed something very simple early on. I made the mistake of assuming that i just needed 21 routed and that wound up costing me a lot of time. In hindsight this appears to be the same issue that i ran into with FileZilla Server a couple months ago. Lesson learned.
Now that everything is up and running I'm content. I can always open the ports if/when i plan to use this server app but for the time being they'll remain closed. What can i say? Why leave your doors unlocked when you're not home? Mission accomplished. I can share files if need be with people and they can download at their leisure.
Grumbles:
-No SFTP capability
-No means by which to limit bandwidth usage.
-Server Manager menu is clumsy (IMHO).
Pros:
-Logging is very straight forward.
-I like the small pop up notification for when someone is attempting to connect.
-IP manager seems very straightforward.
-User management is easy.
-Help documentation was.... HELPFUL!
Still looking for an app that will enable me to do SFTP and limit bandwidth. Suggestions are welcome. Eventually I'll be doing this on a Linux box but not having a functional Linux box (thanks to yPerr) kind of kills that idea. Stay tuned....
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