After reading an article in yesterdays paper about the ICE issues which have been accumulating on houses here, I realized just how bad things were on my own house. Icicles hanging over my front door and stairs can be very dangerous. What was i to do?
As a result of fighting a nasty cold and having cabin fever, i decided this afternoon that it would be a good idea to go for a walk. As soon as i stepped outside and an icicle fell from the door opening I knew there would be no walk for me today. I was going to make my house SAFE. Yep. All of the cold remedy drugs had finally rotted away any common sense i had left. I was now a man on a mission.
Being rather tall (6'4") I knew i could smash most icicles with the reach of my snow shovel. As i take my first couple swipes at them my roommate comes outside. Here i am swinging a shovel at ice that is directly over me without a care in the world because i'm making things safer. What could possibly be wrong with this picture???
The front of the house was a cake walk since it was in the sun most of the day and so a lot of it has been consistently melting. I walked around to the back of the house as my roommate continued to observe. In theory he ws going to run to the store but this was too good of a show to miss out on! Finally he points out that this isn't one of my smarter ideas. Apparently ice is both sharp and heavy and there's an excellent chance that it'll hurt like hell if it hits me somewhere vulnerable (like my head). Bah! Humbug! I can't let something as silly as ice falling stop me from making my property safe. Besides, i was wearing eye protection (sunglasses). How much safer would i need to be?
Seeing the ice along the entire back side of the house and near our precious cable wire made me realize i must continue this nobel deed. I must smash all of the icicles from the gutters! Seeing that the snow was a good 18" deep, i used my trusty shovel to carve out a path through my grass. Every couple feet i stopped (roommate watching) and took another swing at those pesky icicles! I was more concerned with the icicles falling and breaking a window than actually hitting me. Some of these icicles were appx 3 feet long and quite thick. It was when i was half way done that i blurted out "If that fell and hit me in the head, i bet it would hurt like hell! Good thing i'm wearing eye protection!!!" The entire time i'm doing this, my roommate is standing there watching and waiting for the inevitable. Apparently he didn't want to come back to see me impaled on a giant icicle. Kept saying something about how they're sharp and could kill me easily if i wasn't careful. Bah! Humbug! I was a man on a mission!
Step by step, icicles fell. Most of them hit the vinyl siding on the house. Some hit the window. Some hit my hand or my foot. In the end, i was victorious. Every dangling chunk had been knocked down. My property was now safe (excluding all of the ice chunks that i left on the ground because i was too lazy to pick them up).
When i was a kid i got hit by an icicle that my friend threw at me. It hurt. A lot. This was clearly not one of my smartest ideas but i had a damn good time doing it. I'm sure my roommate is impressed with what level of stupidity i will sink to when i'm on a mission.
Time to go practice my Safety Dance moves....
2 comments:
lol
A man on a mission can apparently not be deterred. Chance of impalement or bludgeoning due to freezing temps and gravity is generally something of spectacle. The scene would, likely, make up for any EMT visits.
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